Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Elves Dashboard; Santa Suffers

Dateline: North Pole

Santa slipped into a PowerPoint-induced coma today halfway through the annual Elfin Performance Dashboard presentation. “I guess we had a few too many metrics”, said Lenny, Chief Analytical Elf.

According to eyewitnesses, Santa’s head began bobbing on approximately slide 46, and by the time the Elves reached slide 101 his eyes had rolled back into his head and his breathing became very slow and rhythmic. Mrs. Claus was heard to wonder aloud if it had anything to do with the copious quantities of beef ingested by her husband over the past few weeks in an effort to fill-out his oversized red suit. However, the Elves had prepared for such possibilities by stocking the room with coffee, RedBull, and lots of M&M’s.

“This year, we just had so much more data” said Lenny. “Our new CBM (child-behavior-manager) application gave us much better information on who had been naughty and who had been nice. Combined with the state-of-the-art production management system and our world class routing software, we wanted Santa to see just how efficient we’d been this year in the hopes that he would fund our plant expansion in 2011.”

Dashboard experts were called in to analyze the structure and concluded that there were just too many metrics. Comprehensiveness went way up, but relevance declined exponentially.

“Next year we’ll have it slimmed down to just the most relevant facts” said Lenny. “And we’ll try to make it a bit more forward-looking so Santa can plan better to deliver more peace and happiness throughout the world.”

Here’s to a holiday that’s:
  • Simply
  • Filled with
  • Happiness
  • And Joy.